My New Air Force Commander Blow-Dryer
- Another Judy Story
The year the National was in Chicago, I happened to be set up across the aisle from a handler who had eleventy-seven dogs to get ready for the show. I couldn't believe they could ever get this many ready (they were giving them-all BATHS, no less!). I could barely get my TWO ready! I have always said handlers EARN their money, and I wouldn't be able to do what they do for a MINUTE, let alone a whole weekend, and then week after week! Anyway, I found out, they have devices they use that help cut down the time it takes, and one of them was this little orange BLOW DRYER I saw them pull out and proceed to use, assembly-line fashion. I was so fascinated, I was standing there watching, when all of a sudden, they HANDED me the nozzle (I think they just wanted HELP; they really weren't thinking of it as a part of my doggie education, I'm sure). After almost blowing my glasses off, I started getting the hang of it, and fluffed that dog up in no time!! It was terrific - INSTANT POOF!
I thought this thing was so wonderful that I asked a few questions about which one to get, and went right home and ordered one from the nearest catalog.
OK. So, my Air Force Commander arrived a few days later, to my utter excitement. In retrospect, no one ever TOLD me they are called that for a reason. These things have the POWER of an Air Force jet aircraft, and to use one, you have to have completed the Commander Course for pilots. I did not know this name derivation at the time, but figured it out in short order.
I was so proud. Washed five dogs, did their nails, teeth, etc, and then pulled the orange mighty-machine from its box, all ready for my first FLUFF. I pulled out the old guy first (old Ultrasonic), who couldn't hear, so I figured there would be less "training time" for this dog and the dryer.
Now, you have to know a couple of things first. I was told that you SHOULD use this thing on High Speed, not Low Speed all the time, as Low Speed wears out the motor sooner. Well, I knew I loved this orange mighty-might and after what I paid for it, I wanted to get my money's worth, you know. So, I plug it in, grab the dog's collar with one hand, and turned the thing on HIGH with the other hand. Only problem was, I didn't have a THIRD hand for the HOSE! That thing went FLYING around the room, like a frantic SNAKE, and when I finally stepped on it, and was able to grab it, the hose pointed up my shirt, at eight hundred miles per hour, BLEW off my glasses, HIT the suspended ceiling tiles, and they ALL came RAINING down on us, no longer claiming the name "suspended"! Meanwhile, I can't get to the switch to turn it off, and as I am trying to get the thing to come out from under my shirt, it SWOOSHES over toward the wall, blew everything off the walls, pictures, ribbons, plaques, whatever.......the room was totalled in less than a heartbeat.
Undaunted, after I piled up the ceiling tiles, and all the stuff that used to be on the walls, I tried AGAIN! This time, I got it going without a LOT of mishap, and started blowing this poor old dog, who had a TON of dead coat that had to come out. I THINK, now, that you are probably supposed to get most of that out FIRST, before bathing, but I didn't think ahead. As I was blowing, the silver HAIR of this dog was flying around the room in huge fluffy tufts, making the room like a giant desk paper-weight with "snow" in it! As long as the dryer was on, the stuff floated around the room, kinda like a billion feathers. Well, of course, if you have ever used one of these, you know you are actually not DRYING the dog, per se, you are BLOWING the water off. Where does the water go? On your glasses and the windows. What happens to wet glasses when there is hair flying around the room? The hair attaches itself to the INSIDE and outside of the glasses, and you end up not being able to SEE squat! Meanwhile, you can't clean them off because there is absolutely not one dry thing in the room, including your hands.
Now, while this is all happening, my husband, in the living room, probably watching a hockey game, comes out to see what-all is going on in the dog room. He hears the thing going, opens the door very carefully, sticks his head in, sees the hair between my face and the glasses, and on the windows, the ceiling tiles and pictures on the floor, and QUIETLY backs out of the room, and shuts the door on me, shaking his head.
Later, he said, "Judith, don't quit your day job."
The year the National was in Chicago, I happened to be set up across the aisle from a handler who had eleventy-seven dogs to get ready for the show. I couldn't believe they could ever get this many ready (they were giving them-all BATHS, no less!). I could barely get my TWO ready! I have always said handlers EARN their money, and I wouldn't be able to do what they do for a MINUTE, let alone a whole weekend, and then week after week! Anyway, I found out, they have devices they use that help cut down the time it takes, and one of them was this little orange BLOW DRYER I saw them pull out and proceed to use, assembly-line fashion. I was so fascinated, I was standing there watching, when all of a sudden, they HANDED me the nozzle (I think they just wanted HELP; they really weren't thinking of it as a part of my doggie education, I'm sure). After almost blowing my glasses off, I started getting the hang of it, and fluffed that dog up in no time!! It was terrific - INSTANT POOF!
I thought this thing was so wonderful that I asked a few questions about which one to get, and went right home and ordered one from the nearest catalog.
OK. So, my Air Force Commander arrived a few days later, to my utter excitement. In retrospect, no one ever TOLD me they are called that for a reason. These things have the POWER of an Air Force jet aircraft, and to use one, you have to have completed the Commander Course for pilots. I did not know this name derivation at the time, but figured it out in short order.
I was so proud. Washed five dogs, did their nails, teeth, etc, and then pulled the orange mighty-machine from its box, all ready for my first FLUFF. I pulled out the old guy first (old Ultrasonic), who couldn't hear, so I figured there would be less "training time" for this dog and the dryer.
Now, you have to know a couple of things first. I was told that you SHOULD use this thing on High Speed, not Low Speed all the time, as Low Speed wears out the motor sooner. Well, I knew I loved this orange mighty-might and after what I paid for it, I wanted to get my money's worth, you know. So, I plug it in, grab the dog's collar with one hand, and turned the thing on HIGH with the other hand. Only problem was, I didn't have a THIRD hand for the HOSE! That thing went FLYING around the room, like a frantic SNAKE, and when I finally stepped on it, and was able to grab it, the hose pointed up my shirt, at eight hundred miles per hour, BLEW off my glasses, HIT the suspended ceiling tiles, and they ALL came RAINING down on us, no longer claiming the name "suspended"! Meanwhile, I can't get to the switch to turn it off, and as I am trying to get the thing to come out from under my shirt, it SWOOSHES over toward the wall, blew everything off the walls, pictures, ribbons, plaques, whatever.......the room was totalled in less than a heartbeat.
Undaunted, after I piled up the ceiling tiles, and all the stuff that used to be on the walls, I tried AGAIN! This time, I got it going without a LOT of mishap, and started blowing this poor old dog, who had a TON of dead coat that had to come out. I THINK, now, that you are probably supposed to get most of that out FIRST, before bathing, but I didn't think ahead. As I was blowing, the silver HAIR of this dog was flying around the room in huge fluffy tufts, making the room like a giant desk paper-weight with "snow" in it! As long as the dryer was on, the stuff floated around the room, kinda like a billion feathers. Well, of course, if you have ever used one of these, you know you are actually not DRYING the dog, per se, you are BLOWING the water off. Where does the water go? On your glasses and the windows. What happens to wet glasses when there is hair flying around the room? The hair attaches itself to the INSIDE and outside of the glasses, and you end up not being able to SEE squat! Meanwhile, you can't clean them off because there is absolutely not one dry thing in the room, including your hands.
Now, while this is all happening, my husband, in the living room, probably watching a hockey game, comes out to see what-all is going on in the dog room. He hears the thing going, opens the door very carefully, sticks his head in, sees the hair between my face and the glasses, and on the windows, the ceiling tiles and pictures on the floor, and QUIETLY backs out of the room, and shuts the door on me, shaking his head.
Later, he said, "Judith, don't quit your day job."
